Embarrassing Childhood Moments.

Lets get to know each other. Just a couple rules. No comments, only your moments. Don't be shy.

One of my most was this. I was in early elementary school and I went to school with 2 things. The first was a fist full of Garbage Pail Kids cards. Secondly, I had Leechor the He-Man figure. You know the one? Had a sucker on his face, where you could stick him to stuff? Badass.

So I kept the cards in my desk and took Leechor to lunchroom on my person. But, there was this kid in my class that sat next to me. He also had a stack of GPK cards. Moreover, he proposed a trade. His cards for my Leechor. I could see that the cards were in good repair, stickers fully intact. If I combined them with MY cards then my collection would be intimidating. And GPK cards were harder for me to come by than a He-Man, which I had plenty of. Besides, GPK cards held that scandelous image, which I was fond of. So I traded him. Fair trade.

So, I started looking at the cards. Got it, got it, have it, have these....wait! I had all those exact same cards. As you can imagine, my little boy face as I looked inside my desk to find my cards MISSING! That clever little bastard had stolen my cards and, the nerve, traded me my own cards for my He-Man.

I was obliterated. And I was also very meek and introverted. So, I said nothing. Just continued to be the little pansy that I was.

Well, there you have it. How embarrassing

When I was in Cub Scouts we had to do skits for a Blue and Gold Banquet. We made faces out of pillow cases, and then put the pillowcase over ourselves with our hand straight up. Then our pants were low so that it looked like we were cartoon midgets with really long heads. We were jumping and dancing around on the stage. At one point I thought I jumped so high because I didn't land on the stage when I thought I would. Well, that was because I ended up jumping off the stage and landed right on my butt. This happened in front of about 60 other people. I was living on a military base at the time, and it was a small community, so everyone ended up knowing about it.

This one comes from my wee childhood, as related to me by my mother. I was just learning to talk, and my mother had been recently teaching me about money (the words for the stuff, not fiscal policy) that morning. Well, she had to run to the grocery store, and dragged me along.

We got our stuff, and went to the checkout counter. Right behind us in line was a black guy (this fact is key to the story). As my Mom paid for the food, she took out her change purse and fished out some nickels. As she had just been teaching me what those were, I excitedly yelled out "nickel! Nickel!"

Well, I wasn't exactly a cunning linguist, because apparently my soft k's sounded more like g's, and the end result was that there I was, this little white kid screaming "niggel! Niggel!" in this busy Safeway with this African American gentleman right behind us. My mother relates that she turned redder than the tomato sauce she was buying.

The kind gentleman behind us was very gracious about it.

when i was a kid i loved video games... yeah no kidding. Before the nintendo that meant arcade games. I lived less than a block from a grocery store that had the orgional Mario Bros (not super) game. the one where the brothers were in the sewers knocking over turtles and crabs and such. I got so good at that game i could play for hours on a few quarters. In fact i played so long one time that i pissed my pants. Well it was game over after that and the long trek home afterwards trying not to let anyone see the front of my pants was totally embarassing.

the best part? the bathroom was less than 5 feet from the arcade cabinet i was playing. My dad was like, how the hell did you piss your pants when you were 5 feet from the toilet the whole time.

I was a chunky boy when I was younger so you can visualize what it might look like to see me chugging around a base path on a little league field. Well, one day I hit a a ball that got past the outfielder (there was no fence on this field) and I had a chance for an in-the-park homerun. So there I was running towards third when the base coach gave me the signal to go home. My fat ass was moving so fast that I had to round the base wide. When doing so, I ran into the base coach and he accidentally tripped me making me fall on my face on the chalk that lines the field. I didn't make it home before being thrown out and everyone was laughing to boot.

I still hate that day thinking about it now.