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    w4m

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    Rave
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    w4m

    Post by Rave on Mon Feb 02, 2009 10:17 pm

    Hil-arious


    Why I am not the perfect girl for you.


    Date: 2009-01-05, 7:46AM EST


    For a while now, I’ve been posting and hunting on Craigslist. I get bored at work a lot, and it seems to pass the time. Every guy on here seems to think that he is God’s gift to mankind (not even just the women…). Joe Schmoe posts on here looking for the brilliant, model, single, virgin, wealthy etc etc girl. Do you smell that? Cause its time to wake up and take a hugeeee whiff of that folgers.
    Regardless, here’s some of my commentary. (Taken directly from posts in Men Seeking Women)
    I am hoping to find an athletic, fun loving white female…” Ok. Athletic? So, should I like be on a team or something? Do you want me to be able to kick your ass when we wrastle? Fun loving? No…I hate fun. Fun is the worst thing ever. You try to have fun with me and the consequences will be dire.
    looking for friend with beniftits” *sigh* Where do I start, young sir? There is a section dedicated solely to you getting your johnson stroked. Its called NSA! And what “beniftits” were you looking for? Perhaps some spelling/grammar lessons? I’d be happy to tutor you. Maybe I’m viewing this entirely the wrong way? Maybe you are in fact extremely clever and were using a play on words? Benef-tits? I think not.
    im 6'4" 270lbs blk straight teeth” Black straight teeth? Maybe you should spend your time at the dentist rather than Craigslist. Or, use a flippin comma.
    If you are fake, I have no time for you.” Sorry sugar. But honestly, you don’t want to see 99% of the women out there without a little fakeness. Otherwise you’d slit your wrists. Everyone fudges the truth a little. *ahem* “No honey! You don’t look fat in those jeans at all…” Would you rather me tell you what I REALLY think about you when you come up to me at *insert random bar name here*? I don’t think so. BTW, you have spinach in your teeth.
    I am looking for a woman who takes care of her self” I would hope that would be one of your requirements. I can’t see someone asking for a woman who doesn’t shower? Doesn’t buy clothing that fits? Doesn’t pay her bills? I’m confused.
    i want to look into your eyes and tell you how much more beautiful they are than the stars.” Weed and Craigslist ads do NOT mix! Stop making me vomit. Punch me in the face or something instead…Jeez.
    I am looking to meet some one special that would like to start as friends and build from there.” Really? Because I prefer marriage immediately. F this friends sh*t.
    I also want to get to meeting without 6 mos. of useless messeges” Would 5 months be ok? I’m not sure if I’ll be able to tell if you’re genuinely not a serial killer until then.
    im only five eight 130lbs so no big girls or bbws” I dub this the ‘no fatties’ clause. Don’t you know big girls is [sic] freaks!?!11?! And eww, 130? I think my 95yo grandmother weighs more than that.
    I am a spontaneous person so I like to do a variety of things” I chose to spend my day doing the same thing over and over and over again. Like washing my hands. It makes me feel better. INVISIBLE BUGS! For future reference: Spontaneous: happening or arising without apparent external cause (this does not mean you like doing a variety of things, loser).
    I'm 5'6'brown eyes,38 old,no child,but like.” Please press 1 for English. No child, but like. You are child-like? You like no child? You like children? Sorry, the subscription for my dumbass translator is expired.
    likes to be outdoors but does not mind stayin indoors sumtimes” Is that like, breathing or not breathing? I was under the impression that indoors and outdoors were the only two options that humans had. Again, confused.
    Not interested in …morally bankrupt women.” What if I’m just financially bankrupt?
    Anyway, I’m ending my rant there. And, if I’ve pulled from your ad, and you’re offended…Get the hell over it. Take some criticism and maybe you’ll meet that 21 year old model virgin you’re so desperately seeking.
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    Lorahand
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    Re: w4m

    Post by Lorahand on Mon Feb 02, 2009 10:27 pm

    Awesome post Rave.... got me laughing lol!


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    Re: w4m

    Post by Ulfaro on Mon Feb 02, 2009 10:34 pm

    Was there a number for my soul mate? I'd like to get my freak on.


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    Re: w4m

    Post by Brakkish on Mon Feb 02, 2009 11:27 pm

    rofl


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    Re: w4m

    Post by Constara on Tue Feb 03, 2009 6:24 am

    Very funny! Very Happy
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    Re: w4m

    Post by Paranoia on Tue Feb 03, 2009 7:49 am

    rofl


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    Re: w4m

    Post by Alanras on Tue Feb 03, 2009 2:51 pm

    lol!


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    Re: w4m

    Post by blmurphy on Tue Feb 03, 2009 2:53 pm

    Rave wrote:looking for friend with beniftits” *sigh* Where do I start,
    young sir? There is a section dedicated solely to you getting your
    johnson stroked. Its called NSA! And what “beniftits” were you looking
    for? Perhaps some spelling/grammar lessons? I’d be happy to tutor you.
    Maybe I’m viewing this entirely the wrong way? Maybe you are in fact
    extremely clever and were using a play on words? Benef-tits? I think
    not.

    That was my ad.
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    Re: w4m

    Post by Annewing on Tue Feb 03, 2009 5:50 pm

    rofl


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    Re: w4m

    Post by Breygon on Tue Feb 03, 2009 11:01 pm

    Ah, yes. the personal columns are good for short-term amusement. Every man is looking for the drop dead gorgeous, can drop and re-build a hemi if two hours (and never gets her nails chipped), sports loving, obedient, nyphomanic woman. The ladies are looking for the good looking Prince Charming, that is sensitive, thoughtful, and comes with his own unlimited drawing account from a Swiss or offshore bank.

    After awhile, it gets predictable, repetitious and generally boring. The Internet just gave it more outlets and a more immediate means of trying to con the other into believing they are something they are not.

    You're better off with the numbers scribbled in the public john.

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    Re: w4m

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