I think every cat owner has had this cat.

Found this on BoCL.....what can I say, nothing to do while the baby is napping (except housework of course and who the hell wants to do that?).

Ferocious Attack Kitten


Date: 2008-06-02, 7:10PM CDT


Ferocious attack kitten is available for adoption to any home willing to accept him.

This destructive kitty has been trained as a proud warrior and will fiercely defend your house, even against you. Well-trained since 10-weeks of age to attack anything in his presence, he will protect your family from evil things, including the following:

* insects

* other trained attack kittens

* babies

* toilet paper

* anything under a blanket

* unwanted house guests
* paper bags

* floor rugs

* Chuck Norris

* Feet.

Great with children (assuming you don’t like the children). Probably best used for professional catfighting. He is housebroken, but only because he wants to be. This attack cat has trained himself to seek out his food anywhere you hide it and rip the bag open to feed himself, great for those who travel extensively. Also trained to drink water out of toilet bowls and dishwater from items in the sink. Knows how to open some doors. He will find you wherever you hide.

Neutered (trust me, you wont want to him to procreate). Has not been declawed, but you'll figure that out really fast.

Understands and responds to a variety of vulgar and profane verbal commands. Has a very soft and furry belly, like a teddy bear - however he will bite your face if you try to touch it.

Willing to accept trades. Potential adopters must have experience with trained attack-kittens... please be prepared to show scars.

For the love of God, someone please take this thing out of my house.

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PostingID: 705407729

My sister has one of those, but hers goes one step further and pretends to be nice at first so you'll pet it and then has a suprise attack.

Yep. Definitely yep--a cute, helpless, hungry kitten that my parents found all alone and homeless in a wooded area near their house. It didn't take long for his real personality to emerge, though, once they brought him home.

It was a long time before I ever saw Oreo sleep, because we had to keep him in his own room for awhile as we got him and the other cats accustomed to each other. I'm sure he went to sleep in there when he was alone, but as soon as he heard the door, it was full-on insanity mode.

He basically consisted of 5 very pointy ends and spend most of his time waving his open, bitey mouth around. We had 3 other cats at the time, two being older and kind of grumpy. Oreo liked to tackle them and bite. I learned to keep him in front of me so I'd know if he was about to go for the feet. Cardboard boxes were also a favorite victim. We call him the evil genius, because he was unfortunately damned smart, too, like learning how to open the cat door even when it was "locked".

Since becoming an adult, he's calmed down significantly, and after a long rivalry with two of the newer cats, we realized he's a big baby underneath it all. He bullied them until they realized that if they fought back at all, he'd run and hide. It was really pretty pathetic. I think they've reached an uneasy truce by now, but I don't see them much anymore as they've all moved to Wisconsin with my mom.

My mom does have one with even more insanity and ferociousness, though, but I think it's kitty schizophrenia rather than actual evil. Lauren will be sweet, but very aggressive about asking for attention. Then, suddenly, she'll go nuts. She actually attacks her own tail to the point of hurting herself, until she finally sits on it so it can't come after her anymore. After that she looks around frantically for awhile, like she's wondering if that mysterious attacker is coming back.

At least neither of those two caused any major injuries. Note to cat owners: their bites can cause big problems. My mom almost had to go to the hospital after one of her semi-feral foster cats bit her on the knee and it got infected.

Lauren needs a tin foil hat, I think.

And the first cat...it can fight Chuck Norris!

Brakkish wrote:

Evadrepus wrote:Lauren needs a tin foil hat, I think.

Holy crap, that cat actually looks like her too! Except without the psychotic look in her eyes, but still...