The Costco Rant
To the old people shopping at Costco today:
I don’t know whose idea it was to open the gates at the raisin farm and I don’t care. If you are going to be out in the general public, use some common Freaking sense and throw in a dash of courtesy and respect. If the carts alone weigh more than you and you can’t handle pushing one, take your wrinkles, stale stank and erratic hair growth and go shop at Sobey’s.
To the receipt checker at Costco:
I don’t find it cute nor charming that you sort through my groceries with a most lecherous expression, trying desperately to find some purchase I have made that establishes we have something in common. I did not come here to get hit on. Give me my Freaking cart and let me get away from all of the blue hairs.
To the idiot cart boys at Costco:
I understand that your position does not require a graduate degree and the hiring standards reflect that. But to block the exit with a quarter mile long string of carts? What the Freaking Fork, people? And just what are you trying to achieve by creating a second, longer string of carts to block my car’s exit from the goddamned parking lot? Surely I have demonstrated I am not a pleasant person that you want hanging around all bloody afternoon.
I drop $500 a month at your establishment. Do you really need to ask me if I’d like my 75 items neatly packed in boxes or just thrown loosely into the trunk of my car for the added convenience of spending the next 3 hours unloading it into my house? Give me the Freaking boxes.
To the jaywalkers:
I just spent the last ninety minutes fighting off bed shitters, horny grocery boys, incompetent cart mongers and my own growing impatience. If you want to cut across the street in my path, you had better Freaking hustle it.
Fork off old people.
Fork off receipt checker.
Fork off cart boys.
Fork off Costco.
Fork off jaywalkers.
You’re all on my list.
Rayve (aka Spudd)